CLAY: You know things are wild everywhere, but a woman got attacked by a monkeys? What exactly is this story? It’s Planet of the Apes style.
BUCK: This is crazy. Just a few days ago — it was on Friday — a woman happened upon the scene of a trailer crash, a pickup towing a trailer with a hundred monkeys. She tried to assist, and one of the monkeys — as they are known to do, for those who have spent time around monkeys — spit at her and hit her, and now she has developed what is described as “pinkeye symptoms.” But a woman happened upon a crash of lab monkeys, I guess.
I don’t know what they’re doing with these monkeys. I gotta find that out. Oh, they’re being transported to a zoo. That makes sense. Oh, wait. “At the time, Fallon said after she learned the crates contained monkeys, she assumed they were being transported to a zoo because the driver never mentioned anything about the monkeys being imported and being transported to a lab.” Oh, no.
CLAY: Oh no. So they testing, monkey testing.
BUCK: That’s in the USA Today story. So they are lab monkeys. This is, I believe, very close to the beginning of the movie 28 Days Later — which is terrifying — and also the movie Outbreak, which I think involves a monkey biting a person.
CLAY: So we used to do for people out there who were OutKick listeners back in the day in our sports-talk radio show we would do Animal Thunderdome stories and we were down in Fort Myers, and I got a question from a guy in the crowd who said, “Can you bring back an Animal Thunderdome segment?” and Animal Thunderdome was basically people getting attacked by animals.
This is a pretty tough spot to be in. You don’t want to hear that you have developed some sort of medical response to your interaction with laboratory monkeys. I mean, that is (laughing) of the sentences… If you think you’re having a rough day, unless you have been attacked by laboratory monkeys and develop some sort of reaction to that, your day’s not that bad.
BUCK: Imagine you call your physician. “Hey, Doc. I gotta come in and see you.” “What happened? ” Well, there was a lab escape of a bunch of monkeys. I don’t know what they were doing the tests with, but one of them spat at me, and now I can’t really see out of one of my eyes.”
CLAY: (laughing)
BUCK: I think the doc might show up with one of these big hazmat suits. That, by the way, will stop the virus. Just to be clear, that actually works.
CLAY: I’d be in favor of a hazmat suit there. I might be in a hazmat suit if I was that doctor.
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